Toxic is toxic!

I love my mom but I’m sorry I had to distance myself from her at this moment in my life. I tried my hardest to understand her. I am very grateful for the the things she has done for me and I’m also blessed to have a mother but as I grew older I started to realize she’s not so encouraging, positive or loving and she was just mean for no reason. Over the years she became more calm but now she’s almost 50 and set in her ways I don’t see much of a change. It was like no matter what I do for her or how hard I tried to build a relationship with her it was never enough. I could never talk to my mom about personal problems or too many things going on in my life because I would either get talked down to, yelled at or something negative came from it. It’s sad because I can never be around her for too long before I started to feel tension in the room because she would turn good moments into bad moments. It was moments she would just lash out because I would say how we feel or have my own opinion but because it wasn’t what she would do or she didn’t agree then I was always wrong and for some reason that made her yell. I found myself taking on a lot of those negative traits towards people, my kids and myself and I hated it. I knew that was not the person I wanted to be.i knew for a fact I did NOT want to be like her. I wanted my kids to be able to talk to me about anything, I wanted them to feel comfortable and knew that I loved them and would do anything for them. I wanted to show them different from what I went through as a child and still going through as an adult. So, I started working on myself and becoming more positive and instead of being so defensive and mean I tried to be more understanding and nice. I’m finding peace. Even still I would get the same outcome from her. I felt more like a stranger to her than her daughter. So until I’m able to deal with her in a way I want to deal with her then I’ll be able to accept her for who she is but right now as I’m working on myself and becoming a better person sometimes we have to just leave people where they are in life and remove the negativity and toxic traits out of your life. It’s hurts but I’m okay with my decision. And I’m okay with cutting people off in my life that serves me no purpose on the path I’m walking. SINCERELY SHYANN

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